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2024-03-30 23:41:34

Is Being NICE To Your Ex The Key To Winning Them Back!

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I bet that most of you watching this think , you know the answer to this question .

You know , obviously you should be nice to your ex if you want them back .

But I also know there's probably others out there , those of you who tried being nice to your ex and found out that it didn't work and actually drove your ex away into the arms of somebody else .

Well , I'm here to tell you why being nice to your ex won't get you that second chance that you're after .

And in this video , I'll also explain to you how you do need to treat your ex if you want them back .

I'm Brad Browning , of course , author of the X Factor and breakup coach here on youtube for almost 15 years .

Now , I've helped thousands of people get that second chance with their ex and trust me when I say many of their situations seemed hopeless when they came to me .

But I do love a challenge .

So if you feel like you don't know what to do next , go to my page and check out my other videos because many of them will help you with this particular situation .

Now , let's get into things first off , I will say that not going to tell you , you know , to be mean or cruel to your ex to manipulate them .

That's not what this video is about .

I'll talk more about how you should treat your ex in the second half of this video , but just know that that is not my approach at all .

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You know , I believe in respect , first and foremost , getting your ex back is the ultimate goal .

But more important is that , you know , nobody gets hurt .

So let's talk about being nice to your ex .

What does it mean ?

And how does it work against your goals ?

Of course , is a spectrum , right ?

You know , it's pretty obvious that you shouldn't quit your job and follow your ex around all day catering to their every whim .

But even more subtle behavior will hurt your chances with your ex .

So this can mean , you know , giving them flowers or gifts .

It can mean being there for them emotionally and offering them a shoulder to cry on .

It can even mean apologizing for every mistake you ever made or , you know , taking total responsibility for the breakout .

It can even mean just doing favors for them .

There are actually a few reasons that you shouldn't be nice to your ex if you want them back .

Now .

First off , it reads as desperation and honestly , that's because that's what it is .

Now , stay with me on this you know , if you truly thought of yourself as a valuable person who has a lot to offer and knows that they're deserving of love , then this relationship ending , you know , wouldn't shatter your world like this .

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You'd be sad .

Sure .

You know , but it would be a lesson for you .

And in fact , truly confident people handle being dumped very well because it actually diminishes their opinion of their acts .

It shows them the , their ex is somebody with bad judgment .

Obviously , if you're confident , you realize your own value and somebody who doesn't see your value is somebody you don't want in your life .

Now , this is a pretty strong place to be emotionally , but you don't have to actually feel this way 100% to live as though you actually do .

And if you're able to do that , then you're going to improve your life and you improve your chances with your ex because confidence as we all know is very attractive .

But on the other hand , if you lack confidence , then you'll be desperate to cling to your ex after the break up and be really , really nice to them hopes of winning them back .

Now .

I'm not saying that you lack confidence , but that's how it's going to look and feel from your ex's perspective .

And desperation just isn't attractive period .

And another thing to consider is that , you know , being too nice can be invasive .

So think of a time when somebody crossed your boundaries and made you feel uncomfortable .

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Maybe they were being too flirty with you , maybe they made a joke that was uncomfortable or complimented you in a very intense way or touched you .

And while this is no excuse , you know , in many of these situations , the other person thought that they were just being friendly .

But what they were really doing was assuming a level of intimacy that , that really didn't exist between the two of you because it wasn't earned .

And while you obviously have created intimacy with your ex , the end of the relationship will really , you know , set you back to basically zero .

Sometimes even making them more wary of you than they would be if you were a total stranger .

This is not to say that you can't regain this intimacy over time .

But right now they're going to treat you differently .

So if you treat them too kindly right now , it's going to feel like you're crossing their boundaries and this is going to make them run for the hills .

It's honestly just as simple as that and stop me if this is familiar .

But when they reject whatever nice gesture you're trying to make , it can make you feel like you have to make things right by making another temp at connection , only to end up , I end up pushing them even further away .

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And this becomes just , you know , a vicious cycle and it also makes them uneasy because it suggests that you're , you're not really accepting the breakup , you're treating them like you're still together .

And this suggests that you aren't honoring , you know , the new status quo and this makes it hard for them to interact with you .

So they may just avoid it all together .

And if they were the one to end the relationship , then being too familiar with them will tell them that you don't respect their decision and this is going to make them mad .

And , you know , understandably so and finally , it makes them feel guilty .

You know , obviously , if they dumped you , it will make them feel bad to have , you know , hanging around being kind towards them .

But even if it was more of a mutual decision , this can create guilt for your ex because being nice to somebody creates the expectation for them to do the same and they don't want to do this because they're trying to pull away from you .

But it's hard for them to treat you coldly when you're being so nice , then this conflict can drive them a bit crazy and not in a good way .

So really , you know , being nice isn't always as nice as it may seem .

But then , you know , how should you treat your ex if you want them back ?

Well , to answer this question , we need to talk about your goals here .

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Guess obviously , you want to reconnect with your ex when they're hard and eventually get back together with them .

But how do you make that happen ?

Well , first off , you want to make them miss you like crazy .

This is something that , that just can't happen if you're constantly hanging around giving them gifts and bending over backwards to help them with whatever need .

Because not only do they miss you physically , but they also need to miss you emotionally .

And when you treat your ex nicely , you're not giving them that space to miss you because it's pretty clear you're still invested and you're still available and second , you want them to regret their decision to break up .

And one of the reasons they have to actually feel this way is because they're guilty for hurting you .

If you treat them nicely , you're basically saying I'm not hurt , I'm fine , which is just going to make them feel less guilty and thus they'll be less likely to want to reconnect .

So how can you make them you like crazy and also regret the decision to break up .

Well , first off , you definitely need to make yourself scarce .

You know , you want them to really feel like they've lost you .

And the only way to do this is to keep your distance for them from them for a period of time following the breakup .

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So stop reaching out , don't answer their messages or return their calls unless they're truly important .

Give them as much space as you physically can .

And this kind of lack of you being around is going to drive them crazy and make them want to reconnect with you often just , you know , removing your presence from their life will cause your extra realize what a mistake they made and come running back to you begging for another chance .

But even if that doesn't happen , your ex is going to feel that absence and it's going to make them miss you and want you back a lot more than any kind of , you know , nice gesture could .

Now , another factor at play is one we talked about earlier and that is confidence by giving your ex space , you create the impression that you're moving on and this shows your ex that you know , you don't need them .

You have a plan for moving forward , you have other options out there and you're willing to let things go .

No , that you will be able to thrive without them .

This is an incredibly powerful move when it happens soon after a breakup , you know , your ex expects you to curl up into a ball and cry because you miss them so much .

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And when you break this expectation , you'll show them that they don't know you as well as they thought they did , maybe you have other surprises in store for them if they do give you another shot .

But obviously you are going to have to talk to your ex at some point if you do want to reconnect with them .

And what about , you know , unavoidable contact between the two of you .

You know , like , you know , you run into them at the store or you have to settle a shared bill .

Shouldn't you be nice to them ?

Well , for the most part , the answer is still no , because all of the stuff that I talked about earlier in this video still applies and you don't want to scare off your act by being too kind to them , they will know that you want them back and this very well may scare them off before you are actually able to win them back .

But again , don't be a jerk to them either , right ?

You know , find a middle ground here .

I often say , you know , be a little distant when you run into your ex in public .

So don't , you know , joke around too much , don't be too smiley or happy to see them and don't try to keep the conversation going , show them that things are different now that you've broken up because this is going to be a shock to their system for many people because they want you to want them .

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They don't want to accept that things have actually changed .

And when you show them that , you know , you won't play that game , then this can make them very sad because they're gonna see that they're not gonna have you around just as a friend unless they decide to reconnect with you romantically .

And if they can't have that closeness with you , then they're going to have to earn it by giving you a second chance .

And obviously things will progress from there as you start to talk and spend time together , then you can warm up to them quite quickly .

But still , you know , don't push it here .

You don't want to drive your ex to the airport or tell them how good they look with their new haircut .

Just take it slow and build rapport rather than scaring them off with your eagerness .

And remember if you are still wondering how to with your ex during this stage , please go to Breakup right now and watch the free video tutorial on my site there in that video .

I dive deep into how your exes are feeling , feelings , impact how you should treat them and how to progress the relationship until you're actually back together .

Again , no matter how far apart you might feel right now again , you can watch that full tutorial at Breakup .

And while you're at it , please like this video and subscribe to my channel for a brand new video every week .

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Thanks for watching all the way to the end .

I'll see you in the next one .

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