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2023-08-06 15:33:20

How To Speak Confidently With Seniors_ Overcoming Fear Of Publc Speaking _ Dr. Vivek Modi

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We're going to talk about how to talk confidently in front of our seniors because this is one thing which many of my youtube subscribers , my students from some of the very senior people as well that they have good communication skills , otherwise they can talk well , they don't even have language challenge .

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But the moment they face seniors , the moment they are standing in front of few people , the moment they are meeting new people , somehow they lose confidence , somehow they get stuck , somehow they are not able to bring out their best and they only realize it once they come out of the situation , then they feel that , you know , I should have spoken like this or that sometimes they cannot handle questions , sometimes they want to speak something , but they are simply not able to open their mouth when the situation comes .

So today , we will discuss step by step .

How do we overcome this tendency of getting stuck when the real situation comes ?

So first of all , understand that , what is the challenge we need to understand the challenge correctly ?

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Is it the skill challenge or is it a confidence challenge or mindset challenge ?

OK .

Challenge .

Then the scenario would be I can speak well otherwise , but only when I'm in front of certain kind of people , I can't speak well .

That means it's not a skill challenge .

It's a confidence challenge .

If it's a skill challenge , that means you will speak well .

Uh you will not speak well , even otherwise , not just in front of your senior , even in front of an ordinary audience , you don't speak well , even when you are traveling and your fellow passengers are there , you do not uh you do not uh speak well .

So that is not just a mindset problem .

That could also be a communication skill challenge .

Yes .

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So if it is the mindset problem , if it is the confidence challenge that in front of my senior only , I get stuck , then you need to do the following .

OK .

First and foremost , here , there are two main pillars to solve this problem .

Number one , understanding your seniors and your boss , especially the people with whom you have to deal on daily basis or at least weekly basis .

So if you are in an office where you need to make many presentations every month , where you are meeting with some senior people in a meeting room , if that is your scenario , then it's important for you to understand the other's perspective , the boss or the seniors in front of whom you get stuck .

OK .

That is one scenario , I'll come back to it .

The second part is understanding your own thought process .

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Communication is a very , very sophisticated function .

OK ?

It is actually very higher cognitive abilities , which gives us this ability to it very effectively .

OK ?

Now , we need to understand here a few things with clarity .

OK ?

So let me start with the second pillar .

First , I told you there are two pillars .

First one is understanding the other aspect like your senior or your boss .

And the second one is understanding your own self .

Now please see and think about these questions carefully and try to answer them , answer them within yourself , hold a pen and paper and write this question .

Number one , do I respect my own opinions ?

Make a note of this question .

They may look very simple , but please make a note of this question .

OK .

The video may not be accessible for all later on .

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So please see that you are looking at it seriously .

There may not be a repeat available for most people .

So first part is , do I respect my own opinion ?

Answer to this question in a very , very genuine way ?

Because if a person has not developed a clear sense of individuality , what is clear sense of individuality , understanding that there is an entity called me .

And this also has to get some respect .

I have my own views .

I have my own ideas .

OK , where I have done my own introspection where I have , I have created my own thought process and based on that I speak my mind .

OK .

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So if you do not have a clear strategy when you speak , if you do not have a clear reason which you have understood within yourself about , which you are convinced with yourself that whatever I am talking , I am completely convinced about it .

And I have a solid reason in my understanding to make this point .

If you do not have this assurance within yourself , then there comes a component of doubt .

What is the doubt ?

What happens in front of seniors ?

There is a fear that I may be wrong .

My senior may get offended or I may do a silly mistake on which they may laugh , you know , this kind of thought process somewhere at the back of your mind .

Actually .

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Do not let you be yourself , do not let you present frankly because there is a doubt on your opinion .

You are not clear with yourself .

Ok .

So it's very important to give the answer of that question .

What's the question ?

Do I respect my own opinions ?

Whatever thought process you have whatever views you have .

Do you really believe in that ?

Or you are saying it merely because it has been told to you by many people or you have heard it somewhere or you have become or developed the habit of being a yes person , yes person means what a person who doesn't have his or her own opinions .

When he gets with certain group , he starts talking like them , he starts playing a good boy , you know .

So whatever my group , a set of friends are there and they are talking in a certain way .

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I just talk like them to get into their good books .

Ok , so that they are comfortable with me .

So I always talk what they want to hear .

I always talk out of seeking their confirmation with that mindset and not out of my presenting my own original thought process .

There is one scenario which is there in our country and please understand this .

I'm taking it with depth and only if you listen it carefully , you will get the key points here .

The scenario is majority of the people during their student life are overprotected by their family .

They are not exposed to the challenges which they are going to get in their later life .

Everything is given to them already made by parents .

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They are overprotected and most of the times their decisions are taken by seniors , their decisions are taken by their elders .

So even if a child wants to buy a shirt or trouser or want to go out and eat something , it's like papa , what should I eat , mama ?

What should I eat ?

That's the way the child has been brought up .

OK .

I have seen even in the college when a student has to understand and take a decision of which stream should I join in my college ?

They are so much dependent on others .

Now , I am not suggesting that we should not take opinions from others .

That's not the point .

My point is when others are talking , do I have my own filter ?

Do I have my own understanding ?

Have I developed my sense of individuality ?

Do I understand that I also matter ?

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This entity called me is also a citizen who has his or her own mind and who can create his own thought process .

That usually doesn't happen because we are never trained to take our own decisions .

Our decisions are taken by others and most people take their decision by the law of conformity .

If 10 people are doing something , it must be good .

So let me not use my mind and let me follow them blindly .

This is the pattern of thought process for many people .

And when people are used to take decisions based on what others are doing .

If that is the only benchmark to take my decision , then I'm never going to be confident about when I have to think on my own .

I'm always looking at somebody else .

So even if I cook something , whether the cooking is good or not , I want validation from others .

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So I'll ask others , how was the food ?

How did I cook ?

How was my tea ?

I want others .

And this is the thought process which is suggesting that still the person has not matured to take his or her own decision .

And this reflects in your communication when this reflects in your communication .

Others can read it .

Your seniors can feel that this boy , this girl has still not developed that maturity where she or he would speak his mind .

They are still yes people .

Yes , sir .

Yes , ma'am .

Yes , sir .

Yes , ma'am .

Every time they are like this , they never even ask , even if they don't understand , they never even ask to me .

And what happened when you think of a person who doesn't have his or her own opinion , who is like a parrot talking something ?

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What he what he has read in social media or watched on a video somewhere or heard from somewhere when somebody is only speaking those things , that confidence , that natural , natural feeling of being me would never come .

Ok ?

And that's where you become an approval seeker .

Please understand it carefully .

You become an approval seeker .

What is approval seeker ?

I have an idea .

I want to speak but I want to make sure that you agree with it .

Ok ?

I don't want a discussion .

I want your approval this mindset .

No , I'm I know I know many of you would be thinking that .

But sir in front of sir , in front of boss , we have to be like that .

Only listen , listen , listen , people treat you the way you teach them to treat you .

Once again , I'm repeating , people treat you the way you teach them to treat you .

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Now , I'm not suggesting you to always try to create an objection in whatever is happening .

No , what I'm telling you is when you are speaking something , please see that you have conviction behind it .

When you speak something , please see that you are solid in your thought process when you're speaking .

And if something that you are not understood , then you should be absolutely ok in accepting it that I do not understand this issue .

Therefore , dear , sir , dear ma'am , please guide me nothing wrong .

It's not that all those people who are well read who have experienced , who are adults and who are , who are elder in in terms of age , they don't have to know everything .

A good boss will ask his employee sometimes , you know , can you explain and that's why his boss because he speaks his mind .

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He's not pretending in front of you .

If the boss is pretending in front of you , then he has not yet learned his leadership lessons , listen to the statement carefully and write it , write it .

Ok .

Don't try to impress people , win their trust , build trust .

I'm repeating , don't try to impress people , build trust , building trust is more important than impressing people , especially the people in front of whom you are going to be on almost on a daily basis .

Sooner or later , they will know how much is the real stuff in someone and how much is a put up , how much is a facade , how much is a show , they know it .

Ok ?

So if somebody tries to act too smart .

People can read it .

Ok .

Especially if they are going to be in touch for a long time .

Ok .

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Maybe if it is a one week affair , maybe you can fool some people .

But if you are in a workplace where you are meeting daily , don't fake anything , be as authentic as possible .

It's ok to be ignorant .

It's ok to not know things .

It's ok to not have fluent English .

It's ok because everybody did not know it earlier .

They have learned it slowly .

So it's better to start in an authentic way .

Therefore , build trust .

Ok .

So first thing is get clear about your ideas , build your own thought process .

Ok ?

A person who is matured , who has his own ideas and who has his own reasoning and who is open for suggestions .

And if there are some new interesting suggestions , we modify our thought process .

You know , there's a saying , I think Emerson told foolish consistency is hobgoblin of weak mind .

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I don't want you to be foolishly consistent , foolishly consistent means what I believe in something .

Therefore , I will keep believing that I will never change my opinion .

That fellow are stupid .

Ok ?

It's not that we should not change our opinion .

It's that whatever we have whatever opinion we have , we should have a solid base behind it .

And if that base we understand , then we should adopt it fearlessly and we should , we should put forth our , our words .

We should say our opinion very frankly , respectfully .

Ok .

So that is the first thing developing clarity .

Ok .

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The second aspect , one more point here is do not feel shy of seeking help if your boss is there , if your senior is there and if you think you do not understand something , go to his cabin , meet him in cafeteria and say sir , you know , I have problem in understanding this aspect .

Actually , this is what I did not understand .

Could you please explain to me ?

You know what if you genuinely want to learn and ask people if you are a little vulnerable ?

You know , I'll tell you this is a very high skill of communication .

You know , to build trust , be a little vulnerable .

Don't be perfect .

Nobody is perfect .

It's ok to , to , to have some mistakes .

Now , whatever I have been speaking there , there would have been many grammatical mistakes .

It's ok .

People don't want you to be an expert and who doesn't make any mistake .

People want you to be authentic .

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Therefore , please understand if you are not understanding something .

If you have certain doubts regarding your work , regarding the presentation you want to make or some aspect of your work , which are not yet understood the logic behind it .

You may know why it is , you may know how it is done , but you do not know why it is done .

If your voices are not clear , please clarify your voice .

OK ?

So first thing I told you develop your own mind , your own opinion .

Second thing what I told you is please do not hesitate in seeking help .

Building trust is more important than impressing people .

Yes , I hope you get this two point .

Now , let let me come to the third point .

OK .

Third point in regard to when it comes to you when , when you are talking in front of senior , is that whatever you speak ?

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Do you speak it only from a narrow point of view or do you also have a big picture view ?

Big idea , listen it carefully .

When you are talking to your boss or your seniors , you have only one point of view in your mind .

That is your job and your job profile and what I'm supposed to do , whatever my boss has told , I'm supposed to say that yes , that's the only criteria you have .

But I'll tell you what smart employees do .

Smart employees do something different .

Smart employees understand what is the criteria of a boss , the person to whom you are reporting ?

What is his headache ?

Try to understand , try to understand his view of the work .

You are not the only one who is reporting .

Maybe he's reporting to somebody senior .

Ok .

Maybe he has some other kind of challenges , other kind of deadlines .

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If you are able to appreciate their challenges , then you will get the right viewpoint and somewhere you will be able to connect your presentation with the thought process of your senior because you are looking at the world , your hand .

If you are looking like this , you can see only this area .

My suggestion is go a little far and see the whole picture because that's what your boss is looking at .

And in that , this looks a little different because there are other things visible now .

So please develop a bird's eye view , a big picture of your work .

Ok , so the boss whom you are reporting , what are his challenges ?

What will be his ideas ?

If you understand that whatever you speak now , you will have more conviction , you will not get confused .

Ok ?

So these are a few points I told now let's move on to the another segment .

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I told you two pillar , one pillar is about you .

Another pillar is about the people to whom you want to talk .

Ok ?

Now let's understand other aspect , the senior in front of whom you have to present things you have to talk on daily basis .

Please understand what are their needs , what are their interest and what are their concerns ?

What are their needs ?

What are their interest and what are their concerns ?

Ok .

So one kind of people who know who think my need , my interest , my concern , my boss should say say to me that's the only thing I'm worried about .

The second employee is looking .

No , what is that ?

Which is interesting to boss .

What is the need of my boss .

What is his challenge ?

If you start observing carefully , you will be able to appreciate and crack this code .

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You'll be able to understand what are the things which they are actually seeking sometimes because of their own reasons .

They are not going to tell you what exactly they want .

Ok .

Human mind is very complicated .

They may have their own concerns , they may have their own limitations , they may have sometimes their own insecurities .

So therefore they are not able to tell because they think see as a junior , you have some inhibitions .

Similarly , as a senior , your bosses have inhibitions , they're all kind of people who can get into senior positions .

Ok .

Sometimes they may not even have leadership abilities , but just because they are into that chair , they start behaving like boss .

Ok .

So therefore they are expecting many things .

I have seen people who expect their employees to dress certain ways .

Yes , this happens still they are seniors but you know , they , they judge people based on their dress .

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So you have to understand is your senior one among these people who judges because one day when you have gone in a tight jeans and t-shirt and they have not appreciated it .

And based on that one fact , they have created an opinion about you .

Very possible .

I know that these things should not matter , but we are not in an ideal world .

You have to understand .

Ok , so what is the simplest method always whenever you are making presentation , whenever you are at least facing a bigger audience , you know , that time , at least follow the norms .

Norms are not perfect , but norms are most accepted , mostly accepted things by people .

So that time , maybe you dress to the occasion , ok , maybe you dress to what people usually expect .

And slowly , slowly , slowly as you develop trust , as you develop connection , you will get your own freedom .

But don't take that chance before that .

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So dress to the occasion , understand the people spend time in observation , the moment you are able to read even a little bit of the mind of your seniors , you will then make the connection , then there will be that spark where , where they will realize that .

Yes , this boy understand what I want and that's what makes them really , really happy .

Every senior , everybody who's a boss , he wants an employee who understands them before even they speak .

And if they see in you that you are curious to understand and help them .

If they see that in you , that is going to help you tremendously in communicating effectively .

One more new aspect of it is that when we are not confident , when we are too much bothered about what people will think .

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See till now what I spoke , I spoke mostly about the senior people , but some people have hesitation to speak in front of new people , not just senior people , you know , new people , strangers .

So I can talk with the people who are always with me , but I cannot talk frankly with the people who are strangers .

These people normally see some kind of uneasiness will always be there in front of strangers , even for good communicators .

But then if you are over conscious about what people think about you , then this problem will be bigger .

OK ?

When you are over conscious or when you think that other people are better than you .

This is a kind of inferiority complex .

Some people have , you know , look at him , he's talking in very good , good English .

Look at her how nicely she's speaking , how professionally she is speaking .

When you have such conception about other people , suddenly you make yourself small in front of others .

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And when you yourself small in front of others , what happens ?

Your confidence has gone for a toss and you know this is visible .

They can take advantage of your this mentality , never disrespect yourself .

Not knowing things is not a sin , but not trying to know is a problem .

Nobody knew 100% things since birth , all of them have gone through a journey .

The people who ask easily , the people who express little more frankly , they learn faster because they do not waste time for ideal situations .

They just go in front of the world and ask madam , I don't understand this .

Can you please explain ?

Let madam laugh for thinking that oh , this girl doesn't even know this much this boy doesn't even know she laugh once , but then you learn something very important .

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Your intelligence is on this fact that how fast you can learn the tricks of the trade , how fast you can look at other people who have become successful and take some clues and adopt it in your life .

Please see in nature , everything happens by copying everything you look around yourself .

A baby dog learns from the mother dog .

A baby kitten learns from the mother cat .

There's nothing wrong in copying people .

There's nothing wrong in learning from somebody else .

So somebody is greeting certain ways , somebody is dressing a certain way if you like it and if it makes sense for you , nothing wrong in copying nothing wrong in asking nothing wrong in adopting .

Yes , but create your own mind , create your own reason , certain things you will like accept them , certain things you may not like don't accept them .

Ok ?

So apart from these things , I would suggest you to watch another video about assertiveness in assertiveness .

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Also , I have given you some clues , some some points about how to speak your mind in front of everyone , ok ?

Without disrespecting them and without being scared of them , I'm not scared of you .

At the same time , I will respectfully talk .

Even if I have to disagree , I will respectfully disagree .

This ability to speak your mind .

You know , people will respect you .

If you can speak your mind , people will respect you .

It's extremely important to develop this ability to speak your mind .

Let me check my notes .

If there is anything which I have missed , I will just add to that and then I will take your questions .

Yes .

Uh One important aspect here is please be aware about some areas of the people whom you meet on daily basis .

Like what irritates them .

OK ?

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If your boss got angry someday , not on you of anybody else .

You know , you , you should try to think what actually made him angry .

All these extreme reactions actually reveal the person to you .

It brings the reality of that person in front of you .

We will not have ideal seniors , we will not have ideal bosses , but the better you observe them and understand them , the better will be your response , your communication will be appreciated better .

OK ?

So please see that you become a good listener .

You become a good observant last point and then I will take your questions .

I'll run through your comments last point here , visualize yourself , speaking in front of your seniors , visualization , your mind does not differentiate between what you have visualized and what is reality .

OK .

Human brain can virtually imagine anything and it can rehearse .

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So what you can do is you can simply sit or night time when you're sleeping .

Imagine yourself , you are standing in front of your boss and you are making a point .

OK ?

Play this visualized video , you know , visualize itself and play it within yourself .

So when you , this will happen in reality , you would actually be able to do or create an imaginary scenario .

Imagine that my boss called me and he told , he told me to make a presentation in front of few people then and there , how would I do it ?

Make a mental presentation , be ready for such situations , you know , be a little proactive and when such situation comes , you will do far better than what you otherwise would do .

So replay it , use your mind which has tremendous capacity to virtually imagine things and rehearse rehearsal will develop some connections , some new fiber , some new neural circuitry , which will help you when it will happen in reality .

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So you can even do that .

Ok .

Now , I can see some big comments .

Hi sir , I'm Kumar .

Despite of being familiar with my principle , I'm not able to must encourage to speak in meetings , try to push my point at some another time .

This happens , this happens , you have to start gradually , it will settle and your principals , your seniors also will respect you when you speak a little more fearlessly .

Usually those people who are fearless , those people who are true may not be perfect .

OK ?

May not be highly knowledgeable but those people who speak their mind innocently , people inherently like those people don't try to be perfect .

Don't try to be doubly sure of not being wrong .

Yes , prepare well .

But despite that take your chances , the more chances you take , the more you compel yourself to speak in front of people , it will ease , ease out slowly .

You will understand .

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So take your chances and what do you have to lose ?

You know , let us say you speak in front of your senior and it didn't go well , what would you lose ?

Would do you think ?

Do you think they will fire you ?

Just for speaking ?

Nothing like that ?

Speak , speak less but speak must OK .

Speak less , speak simple things .

OK .

At least wish greet appreciate .

Do those simple things .

OK .

Answer their questions enthusiastically , seek help , enthusiastically , the more you put yourself into such situations , the more easier it would be in next time to speak .

So that's the only thing .

If you face the fear , fear reduces .

If you run away from the fear it increases .

That's how the psychology of fear is .

Yes .

Yes .

Rehearsal always help .

Yes .

OK .

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When someone ask me anything in English , I'm totally blank .

I can't .

So Maria , you speaking Hindi or whatever language you are comfortable .

It's not written somewhere that we have to know English and without knowing English , nothing can happen .

So many people , presidents and Prime Ministers of many countries do not know English .

They don't feel shy for that .

What's there ?

They have an interpreter .

So if , if Vladimir Putin goes to America , what do you think he'll speak in English ?

No , they are an interpreter .

OK ?

So why do you have to bother ?

Don't feel low for not knowing any language English doesn't make you less or more in anything .

OK , Maria , so speak in your language , it's OK .

And gradually learn English also .

No big deal .

Start with simple , simple sentences .

Look at the videos uh which I have made earlier on that .

Start following that within no time .

It will , the problem will be solved .

I'm not , I don't come from English medium background , you know , I'm an example .

Simple steps .

Don't , don't worry .

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OK , so thank you .

Thank you .

Can we talk to boss every time , sir ?

Yes , why not ?

Why not ?

Of course , when there is some work then then only .

Yes .

So Rafi sheikh , you can talk to your boss .

But when do you have the genuine work ?

You cannot talk for the sake of talking , talking , especially when he's busy .

Ok .

But talk to your boss and there is nothing wrong .

Your boss will notice you .

OK ?

One more thing is if you have new ideas , you know , ask other people do a right scrutiny and don't feel shy to share your new ideas in front of your boss .

I have also been an employee for quite some time for almost six years .

I was an employee and I always felt OK to share my ideas in front of my boss and sometimes he really liked it and he appreciated it .

He thought good with it that you are thinking on these lines , your seniors will appreciate that .

Yes .

This boy is interested in company's growth .

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This boy is thinking about some ideas that can help us improve our work performance .

Don't be shy what will happen maximum .

They will say no , no , not a good idea .

It's ok .

Still you have made a point that you are a person who thinks for the company .

So please speak .

Yes , interview skill session .

I will take uh uh Cl Tucker .

I will take sometimes interview skill session and why ?

Hesitation , hesitation go go .

Hm No hesitation .

It's your birthright to speak and express your opinion .

There is freedom to speak .

Yes , you should speak sense and you should speak .

When your turn comes , we should not speak out of turn .

You should not speak more than what is required or expected out of us .

But we should not feel shy of speaking .

Our mind , make your own decisions .

Tell yourself I also have an identity and I respect just like how you respect others .

Give same respect to yourself also , you deserve that respect just because you've done some mistakes .

It it doesn't mean you will .

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You don't deserve the respect , give yourself that respect .

Yes , I will talk about health also .

And thank you for your compliment .

Only met Ajit Misra .

It happens a mis sometimes we go blank .

It happens .

Even with me , you see in the live stream , I got blank about one point which I wanted to give in the last .

It's OK .

We are human beings .

There will be mistakes .

Don't think that you are a machine who would never make a mistake when you make these over expectations .

When you make an unhuman expectation , when you get into this perfectionist mindset , you limit yourself .

Don't do that free flow , free flow .

Your mind is very smart .

Your linguistic intelligence will work .

It will keep on picking up new words , new phrases and slowly , slowly , slowly as you speak more , you will become better and better .

OK ?

So don't worry if you go blank in front of people , it happens all the time .

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So what ?

Yes .

OK .

I think uh we have spent enough time and so many of you have participated very actively .

Thank you so much .

All of you .

Once again , if you are not on Instagram , follow me on the Instagram .

Yes .

So thank you .


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